~WASTED DAZE & WASTED NIGHTZ~

WHY can't I be normal??? I lament.......I yearn to be one of those seemingly normal types who can face each day with joy and optimism, who can schedule plans and physically be able to fulfill them, who can look toward the future and see light...who can sleep at night and who maintain a perfectly normal schedule of awakening in the early morn, drowsing off at a reasonable time of night.....who can shut their brain down, who has no anxiety or depression, who has faith enough to leave things fully in God's hands.
Instead, I have no joy or optimism, I can schedule nothing, I can never be sure when I'll have slept or if I'll be up for daze in a row, I see nothing but darkness, no future, only ill health and doom, unable to sleep until I am too wiped out to stand and even then, maybe not, my brain is carbonated, fizzing and overflowing, i am full of anxiety, depressed at the thought that there are no prospects for me, my faith falters and i am drowning in misery.
My health, or rather, lack of it is mostly at the root of this all....I continue to pray for healing....
IS THIS ALL THERE IS? EVER WILL BE?
I CANNOT LIVE WITH THAT.