#1~SCATHED~#2~DEPRESSED~#3~PISSED ON~#4~AARRGGHH!!!!!!!~

~SCATHED~
Scathed...not unscathed by this one....I am so upset about some things....My buddy never answered my post about "Blowing a Golden Opportunity" so either he has read it and is pissed or he has ignored it....I emailed him to let make him aware of it but he sometimes doesn't go online for long stretches and his monitor is giving him trouble....I can only hope he has either read it or decided to make the call of his own accord and has gone to the retreat or is planning to go, which I HOPE for, as he really definitely needs to so his health will improve a great deal....He is a very dear, special friend and he is my best make friend and when something hurts him or upsets him, it upsets and hurts me....yet he pulls away from me a lot....At this point I don't know what to do....He hasn't called me or emailed so I just do not know how to feel....I'm more hurt than anything I guess....I think that HE thinks that every time we feud or disagree that will end our friendship....he couldn't be more wrong, if indeed he thinks that....but he is very avoidant and will let things goo for too long & for too far before he seems to make any sort of overture....I just wish I meant enough to him that he would remember this AFFECTS ME TOO .... NOT just him and MY FEELINGS are hurting and I am hanging in limbo.
~DEPRESSED~
I have a friend who has been back near here visiting for a few weeks and she got sick about the same time I did, and she had just arrived from another country but we were unable to see each other....both being ill....then
there are things that have taken place in her life with her relationship and we have been hoping
 to see each other for so long....to really talk and connect and hug and cry together and pour out our hearts....
over 2 years she has been gone and the relationship with her BF is on hiatis for a year, but she is leaving for the southern U.S.A. today and we have missed seeing one another....I am so angry & frustrated because WHY did the timing have to be such that we were both ill at the same time?....and now we have missed out on spending precious time together & she may not be back in this area for years! I could not sleep all night for thinking about it and am just miserable....we are so close, yet so far away and today she flies away....
Our only communication had been by email & instant messenger....phone occasionally....yet we have not even talked since she got back here since where she's staying has no phone and for some reason, now, I've had no email from her either....I feel that something is amiss that she's not tewlling me....not between she & I, but something in her life, which I suspect is within her relationship with her BF....that is a whole other story....
~PISSED ON~
at any rate, I have been stressed out with all these things, have had a migraine and no sleep for 2 days and both my cats have been pissing all over the carpet and I can't get them to stop and it reeks in here....When I found more piss this morning, I was so infuriated I could hardly keep from screaming....actually, i DID scream some and then with this putrid migraine, proceeded to scrub the carpet with rags and a scrub brush, then poured scalding water on it and mopped it up with bath towels....but it's not gonna improve I see, the carpet is shot, the smell is making me sick and my crib is infinitesimally tiny, so small that a steam cleaner would be absurd, especially when they usually just compound the problem and there are shitty hardwood floors underneath....this stench is here to stay....the carpet needs to be thrown away....I RENT and plus I am confused about the pissing....I had one neutered male for a year,, then adopted another neutered male....the second one is very edgy and nervous and frightens easily and I have wotked with him a lot & he is getting better but I think he was never litter trained & also there is probably a territorial marking thing going on between them....my first boy never pissed on anything and now he has added shitting to the repertoire....so my second boy does it npow too....I have tried spanking, rewards, mega cleaning the litter boxes, u name it, all to no avail...I am beyond frustrated....I adopt for life so there's absolutely NO WAY I would EVER get rid of them....so I must somehow find a solution....I have tried to find a house....I would rip out all carpets and put down linoleum in every room in the hope that even if it were not a cure, it would be easier to clean with no lingering stench....yet there has been piss on my sofa, futon, etcetera....so....I am hopellessly frustrated and adding that to everything else this has been a helluva rough stretch.
AARRGGHH!!!!!!!!