THURSDAY'S THE DREADED DOC APPOINTMENT!!

Oyyy I do not wanna go...sitting here filled with dread. I keep trying to psyche myself up but it's not working & to top it off it's supposed to be really hot & humid tomorrow which will make me sweat even more than I normally do from my immune system and it will make it hard to breathe and I am gonna look like somethin the cat dragged in. I'd do just about anything to get outta this! I know I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight...gonna hafta really do a lotta praying. I'll make it thru tomorrow if only that breathing problem I get doesn't kick in....add anXiety to it and I'll black out. So....yup, I'm scared, I dread it and I've been shaking ever since I made the freakin appointment. I'll be so damn happy to have this over with! Tomorrow night at the time I'll be saying to myself that WHEW it's over!!!! Thank God for air conditioning too!!!!!!!!! So.....I washed the clothes I'm gonna wear, oh man my apartment is hot & humid now....little space with a washer & dryer going! Oyyy! My Mom came over this evening & cut my hair & it looks lots better....I need all the help I can get! Mom is picking me up to take me to my appointment tomorrow...which is great because she gives me so much moral support and afterwards we can go for a cruise & just talk & de-stress! Lol! Yeah, I spose I sound like such a wimp...cuz I've been thru some really truly terrible things in my life with less freaking out than I am over this! I think the isolation of my life has caught up with me something awful! PLUS my fear that the breathing thing will hit and also I'm so self conscious about how icky I look since my health has done such a nosedive and terrified I'll run into someone I know....if you saw my teeth you'd understand, but I can't get them cut out til I get built up some & have some tests run to see if there's some antibiotic I could take that I'm not allergic to. Life sucks. I shouldn't bitch ...cuz I know it could be worse but....it's scary as hell. I think about how horrible it would be to be faced with an illness that paralyzed me or cancer or any number of horrifying things and I try to think that I should be grateful that I don't have any of those things, and I am...but it's not easy with what I do have either....I have auto immune disease, pernicious anemia, teeth are shot, chronic hives, constant sweating, severe cold intolerance, hashimotos thyroiditis,osteoporosis, arthritis, an eye disease, cataracts, asthma, allergies, colitis and other myriad crap. My auto-immune disease is apparently genetic, I was born with it and it attacks my body, so the thyroid, eyes, some other stuff are the result of my own traitorous immune system attacking my body and my immune system is in overdrive all the time and it makes life suck bad. I need to get to a warm climate to live but there's never any money and I don't know where I'd go...I've looked all over online to try & find a place where my whole family would be happy.....with low humidity, mild temps, low crime....it's tuff! For instance, one would generally assume that Arizone would be good...but nooo...what most people are unaware of is that Arizona has a spore in the soil, indigenous to several states that gets into the lungs (esp. in immune compromised people) causing a malady known as "Valley Fever" and it can wipe out the immune system & kill you. I know two people who have died from it, one was my Aunt. I learned about it years ago in a writeup somewhere from a man named Albert Mikesh...he's from North Dakota and has a well known band. His daughter moved to Arizona, subsequently contracted valley fever and died! He wanted to make other people aware of the risks. His daughter, if I remember correctly, had moved there due to her asthma or allergies. At any rate, I don't know where to go and I keep researching different regions, hoping that I'll find the perfect place, IF it even exists, and eventually come up with the money to move. But for now.....just getting this damn doctor's appointment done & over with is my big hurdle of the week! Lol! So...stay tuned for my next post all about my appointment! Lolol! Yeah, I have no life! Lol! Byeeeeeeeeee!!!