~ANXIETY!!!!!~

I tried to get my meds refilled.... but Doc wouldn't refill without an appointment, since it's been a loooong time so.....I'm forced to pay a visit to the doc. I dread it so much, not the germs, not the blood tests, not the things you'd think would freak me out....what I'm freaked about it facing people, anyone, since my teeth are so horrible. I need them all surgically cut out & need false teeth....so that freaks me out just terribly, and then the doc will interrogate me as well and I haven't been consistent with my meds....mainly because of my sleep disorder. It sucks to awaken & sleep randomly at all hours of the day and night, it throws off one's sense of everything, reality, REM patterns, time and space yada yada yada....and I forget if/when I've taken them. I write it down usually. I can see how really tuff it would be for the elderly! At any rate, not looking forward to thursday & the doc appointment at all! I am pretty agoraphobic, can't see well out in the sun and I never get out so it's like I'm a mole, sluggish and blind crawling out from my hole.....blinking and befuddled and afraid. I am ill at ease with people since I've been so isolated with all my health crap. I used to be so gregarious and although I was self-conscious, I still enjoyed getting out & about. Not any more! I think if I looked good, was steady on my feet, felt confident and well, it wouldn't bother me. I look like crap, feel rotten, am ill at ease....I dread this so much I can't quit thinking about it. I had an anxiety attack yesterday after calling for the appointment. Well.......I've been up all night, only a nap yesterday....I'm really tired and feverish.....I have been working all night on the computer trying to get rid of 2 trojans and I'm no geek so having lotsa trouble! Help!!! I was on the McAfee site, trying to make heads or tails and to no avail, then DL the antispyware 5 day -free trial and it found a hijacker, but not the trojans. I used panda online-free-scan to no avail, although Panda has helped me before in detecting viruses that Norton missed.....I'm having a problem in my McAfee, it says it's expired but it's not & their website says that later when there's an update for that particular version, the flaw will be remedied but that in the meantime we should follow their instructions to fix the problem, and then followed a long long list of steps and for a novice like myself it was greek so I was hung.....Damn trojans can be worse than a virus since they're a program & can be malicious and cause all kinds of troubles. It appears that it may have gotten in from some music downloads....so I blocked some of my musical apps from accessing the internet for the time being, til I'm able to get rid of these trojans and upgrade my McAfee yet again with an anti-spyware utility that will cost me another 40 bux in addition to the 79 bux I already spent on McAfee stuff....not to mention the many utilities I've tried that were purported to be free until I downloaded them and ran their scans....Then when the scans showed that there was indeed an intruder or hijacker or trojan or whatever, they wanted X amount of money and they would REMOVE the things they found. It really pissed me off!! I tried NoAdware, that one wanted 29 bux I think it was...the DL was free, yeah right, free. NOT! So....after that one, and Spybot Search & destroy, a few others I'm thinking, just pay the freakin money, get a legitimate utility like McAfee and quit messin around. Norton missed some viruses on my old computer and since I've got a Dell now & McAfee came with it & I'd had McAfee once before I figured I'd just stick with it. It can be a bit complicated to use but seems to work well, but they all want more & more money for more! better! protection! Oyyyyy! Spam! Spyware! Trojans! Viruses! Hijackers! Etc Etc!!!! It gets old man! I'd be better off having several computers....and use the old crappy one just for internetting. Sposta be in the mid 90's here today....I SO hope it's not a scorcher thursday...Doctor day......Well.......I guess it's back to the puter hassle and probably order McAfee Anti-spyware....and see if I can get someone to help me figure out some crap too....Bitch moan piss.....lol.....Hope YOU have a great day wherever ya are! Lol! Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!